From time to time throughout my lifetime – especially when my ego was comparing me to other people – I would regret that I had not consciously planned out my life. You know, like the boy in 3rd grade who just knew he wanted to be a doctor and was preparing for med school at age 8. Or, the young lady in junior high who was already singing in musical theatre.
I received little guidance from my parents about this game called life, and simultaneously there did not seem to be any great specific desires inside me to stir me up.
Sure, I knew that I wanted to go to college despite my parents never asking me what I was going to do with my life after high school. And, I had this great yearning for what I would now call my twin flame. I seemed to have mini-plans but nothing that tied them all together.
When I entered the 12 Step program twenty years ago I heard many slogans to assist me from ‘picking up’ and to live life on life’s terms. One of these was “Failing to plan is planning to fail;” I have to say I was never quite comfortable with that one. Perhaps I felt it a bit contra to other ideas like God has a plan for me and more will be revealed, etc. And, then there’s the joke “How do you make God laugh? Tell Him you plans!”
On my journey I’ve embraced the notion that I’m a powerful being and co-create my life, and I’ve embraced I’m powerless and God is in charge. Well, which is it?
These days I once again am back to the idea that God has a plan for me and there’s really not much I can do about it. I do not find that aversive because the God of my understanding is total Love, Goodness, Grace, Joy, etc., so Its plan for me can only have such qualities as well. And, this is actually a relief. I can surrender and rest in Spirit’s most loving and competent hands and know that all is well. And, of course, it’s my choice to have an attitude of gratitude even when I can’t see the blessings in the darkness.
Yes, I am powerful, but only because that power comes through from Source. And, Source indeed has a divine plan for me.
Having learned about living in the Now, as I reflect back on my childhood so many years ago, perhaps I was a bit more ‘together’ than I give myself credit for. Just maybe I didn’t make a conscious plan for my life because I was simply living in the present moment, letting my life unfold according to the plan of an Unseen Power. And, my life was exactly how God planned it.
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