I made the conscious choice to not have children in this lifetime. As I grew older and remained single, I figured that when I finally met my life partner, in all likelihood he’d have been married at least once already and probably have children. That was ok with me – I just didn’t want to raise them.
And so it was with Rog… His children were in their early 20’s when we met up in Summer 2004. Since they all lead active adult lives, I’ve not spent large chunks of time with them, although I do enjoy their company and I think they’d say it’s mutual.
It’s been almost 5 years now and I’ve never felt that I was really a mom, a step mom that is. The first time someone referred to me using that label I truly didn’t know who they were referring to! I’ve felt perhaps I was like an older sister – and, at times, when I wasn’t up to date with the latest lingo (like what “411” means), I’ve felt like the younger one!
So, Mother’s Day is not a day that is about me. Just because I’m a woman, doesn’t mean I’m a mom (as I felt that assumption was made today at church). I love to hug, and do tend to be nurturing, but hey, I’m a Cancer!
I am grateful for the women who are great moms and role models, not just for their children, but for all humanity. And, I see that Mother’s Day can be a day to celebrate the Divine Feminine in us all, regardless if we’ve given birth to a child or not.
So, whatever your gender, whatever your station in life, Happy Mother’s Day!
I’m a greeting card aficionado – I like to send and receive them, especially via snail mail, the ‘old-fashioned’ way.
This week I sent out cards to numerous friends in celebration of their being mothers. I used an online program (SendOut Cards) and selected what I thought was one with a spiritual slant. Its front cover said: “God couldn’t be everywhere, so he created mothers.” I’ve heard that before and had thought it nifty, so I wrote a personal note inside and sent it out. I actually sent several out, all specifically personalized.
I know that some moms can be pretty special including having the ability to be unconditionally loving even with the most challenging of offspring.
But I realized that to say “God couldn’t be everywhere, so he created mothers” misses the mark, that it doesn’t fit into my belief system.
I am just getting to blog now at 9 PM and I really don’t know what to say…
It’s been a long day in some ways, emotionally heavy I’d say. Along with the blessing of delivering flowers for Mother’s Day and getting to experience, surprise, joy, and appreciation of the moms, I came up against some tough life situations.
Our first delivery was for three residents of a rehab and assisted living facility. Great – children sending flowers that will light up their mothers’ lives in what can be a dreary, cold environment. Turns out one of the moms was an independent living resident, and yesterday she left for hospice. Living independently one day, in hospice the next. That hit me like a ton of bricks. The receptionist was able to track which hospice this woman had been admitted to and we were able to deliver the flowers, an accomplishment I was most glad of considering this woman’s circumstances.
Some of our other deliveries took us through the poorer neighborhoods of the area. We delivered a large vase of beautiful roses to a woman not much older than myself. As she was disabled with arthritis, it took her a little longer to come to the front door, allowing me more time to breathe in the not-so-pleasant smell. In slowly handing her the heavy vase, I noticed there was no air conditioning (it was 96 degrees outside) and got a peek at her living space – a torn up sofa bed came into view. I was uplifted to see she had a pooch.
Thinking of how much her child must have spent on the Mother’s Day bouquet, I couldn’t help but think that the money could have been put to much greater use to improve this woman’s daily life. But who am I to say? Perhaps such a special gift was a far greater delight to this mom’s heart and soul than getting help cleaning her home, receiving better health care, or upgrading her furniture. Perhaps I was looking too much at the physical and not enough at the spiritual side…
Fresh flowers are wonderfully uplifting. They can temporarily take our mind off the troubles of the day and focus on the beauty around us. May 4th’s blog was about today’s upcoming adventure to earn some money in a different way and was entitled “A Bouquet of Blessings”. Who knew it would also give me such a glimpse of others’ life situations and provide much food for thought…
I’ve much to think about my own current life situation too. If I view mine and others without putting Spirit in the formula, I am sunk. God came through in the children who were thinking of their moms and they conveyed that through their gift of flowers. And, God was in each and every flower delivered. God was present in the joy expressed and in the heart of each mom. God was with each person whether they were aware of It or not, whatever their circumstances. There’s a message here for me.
May I remember that God is always with me wherever I go, whatever I am going through, and wherever I am headed. I choose to remember this is so and am uplifted and at peace immediately.
I entered the 12 Step program in March 1990 as a devout atheist. I soon discovered that people read daily meditation books related to their specific addiction, which helped them start their day off with some inspiration and contemplation. The words “God” or “Higher Power” could be found among the passages and it took some getting used to. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed the readings and found them helpful with my addiction of choice.
Within about six months, I was solidly believing in a Power greater than myself. Lo and behold, in February 1991 a publisher of recovery material came out with a new meditation book entitled In God’s Care (As We Understand God), Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery. I embraced this little book because I wanted to be more focused on spirituality than on my addiction.
I gave my first copy, filled with lots of yellow highlights and black underscores, to a dear friend who was in AA, when he became seriously ill (I mentioned Jay in one of my first blogs). He made his transition some time later and I never got it back. I’m on my second copy now, 15+ years old.
My path has taken me beyond the 12 Steps, but I never tire of this book and still find joy and inspiration from reading of it. I can even read it online when the hard copy is not nearby. So, here’s part of today’s message:
“We see things not as they are, but as we are.” – H. M. Tomlinson
…Our more positive attitude today changes our understanding of earlier experiences… If we rely on God’s help, we’ll come to understand all our experiences as opportunities for growth and fulfillment. We can trust them, live through them, and be grateful for their contribution to our spiritual development.
The attitude we harbor is powerful…God is always available to help us accept the circumstances of our life.
In the midst of our latest adventures of bankruptcy, foreclosure, building our businesses, and looking for a place to hang our hats, both Rog and I are doing our spiritual work, staying connected to HP, and keeping a positive, joyful attitude. God is always available – to guide us, help us, uplift us.
“To hear God’s Voice, all you need do is ask, “Do I want Peace or do I want suffering?” If your answer is Peace, you have already heard God’s Voice within you.” – The Voice for Love, 05.06.09
With the busyness and priorities of the day piling up, yesterday I lost my peace. I noticed it slowly creeping in when it was 3 o’clock in the afternoon and I’d only just completed the first necessity of the day. Then, spending 1½ hours on a tech writing task that should have taken only 5 minutes, my meltdown was getting evident. Only I chose to ignore it, further eroding my peace.
By the time I ate my evening meal, stressed about what was left that I “had to” do and upset that I’d not had time to myself, I was definitely in ‘not a happy camper’ mode. Finally, after looking forward to packing up my office (“one man’s ceiling is another man’s floor”) and not having the patience for that, I called the day over.
Sure, I did pray somewhat throughout the storm. But what I really needed to do was to take care of myself and that would’ve been taking time out and sitting quietly in The Silence, where God dwells, away from my ego. For it was my ego that wanted me to stay in suffering, and its voice had managed to overshadow God’s for a time.
I must be ever vigilant and willing to take action when I start feeling ‘off the beam’. The sooner I ask myself “Do I want Peace or do I want suffering?” the better. I can catch the ego in its mischievousness, choose peace, and reunite with God.
Rog writes a blog called “Experiments with Joy.” I particularly resonated with today’s entry and thought I’d share it…
Joyful Demonstration Your home is nine days away from foreclosure sale and you don’t have a place to move to. Your bankruptcy lawyer is poised to rescue your home from the sale – at least for a little while – with moments to spare before the train runs you over.
You’re living in a half-packed state as you launch your new business ideas. Friends and family are pulling up stakes and moving away ahead of you. It seems like a lot of good-byes.
Where’s the joy in that?
There’s joy in realizing your peace is growing unshakable.
There’s joy in placing your future in the hands of God.
There’s joy as old friendships renew and new ones form, as people come together to help each other.
There’s joy in understanding that healing power is strengthening.
There’s joy in the deepening partnership of a loving relationship.
There’s joy in demonstrating how our peace and joy are so independent of this world of drama.
We’ve recently been asking people for help, offering some suggestions as to the form it might take.
One idea was if they knew of a house situation in northern Arizona where we could barter our talents and services for rent. Another was to contribute to our Move Fund. And, the 3rd was to keep us in their thoughts and prayers.
One of my friends came up with another, this one a lead for some unusual -for us- paid contract work. With this Sunday being Mother’s Day, the florist where she works was looking for drivers to make flower deliveries; 800 orders are already in! The pay is per arrangement delivered and we could conceivably earn enough in one day that would be the equivalent of more than a month’s worth of groceries (no, the florist is not paying the equivalent of a bank CEO’s bonus – we’ve just really cut down on expenses!).
It’s appealing to us not just for the money but for a myriad of reasons: Rog and I love flowers, we can spend time together, work as a team (which we do so well), and be messengers of sheer joy as we light up people’s day with flowers and wishing them “Happy Mother’s Day!”
We’ve noticed that with our current financial condition of having less money, we’re actually enjoying it more. We’ve gotten very creative in how we spend our dollars, design our meals, trade goods and services, and now in spreading joy. What a blessing!
Almost 2 months ago, I entered into my first barter agreement: I clean the men and women’s restrooms at a yoga studio once a week in exchange for attending my favorite yoga class. It’s been a fine arrangement, win-win.
This past week was the last as I needed to free up my time. I will miss this task as well as my favorite teacher and the Gentle Healing/Restorative class postures.
As my cleaning was coming to an end, I realized that I really appreciated doing the work as an exchange. I even told one of the owners that if she’d been paying me an hourly wage, I don’t think I’d have enjoyed the task as much. The reward of attending the yoga class had greater meaning to me than receiving greenbacks, and this made me more focused, strongly motivated, and full of pride too as I went about doing my job. If I’d been given a wage, it would have been far less than my usual hourly rate as a tech writer, and, in all likelihood, my ego would have felt resentful that it had to engage in such activities, and I’d have been less than thrilled with the task. That was not the case, and I was very grateful the owners had been willing to barter.
During Tuesday toilet-cleaning days, I’ve often thought about the servant leader, Gandhi. My experience made me feel a bit connected to this spiritual man. It doesn’t matter that the toilets he cleaned were far less glamorous and technologically advanced or the reasons behind his actions were quite different from mine. It was not beneath Gandhi to clean toilets and, it was not beneath me to do so either.
It’s surprising the places one can find connection, inspiration, and meaning…
Boy, I sure have come a long way from my atheist days!
I’ve just spent some time submitting a prayer request to a number of online sites. Not only would this have never happened when I was an atheist, but even asking for help from anyone would have been an anathema.
These days I do believe in God, and I do believe that all things are possible with God. It’s a whole new way of thinking, a whole new way of living.
Also, I have learned to ask for help from God and all beings interested in my upliftment, human, angelic, etc. I am clearly not alone and there is much power within me and around me. I just need to reach for it, to ask for help. I am grateful these days I can and do.
